he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
