I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
