I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
