I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
