dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
