So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
