the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Someone signed my nipple.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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