pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm at about main and main street
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
