What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
