Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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