i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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