im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
