Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
