Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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