First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
