They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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