The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
