Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
