I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
