im drinking this country out of the recession.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm like, not good at living.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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