She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
