i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
P.S. I can't hear my feet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
