hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
