He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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