i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
