you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
