if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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