I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
