matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
