Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
