Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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