oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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