I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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