She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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