when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
