Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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