The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
