just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i believe in u and ur pee
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
