you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
