Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love having hate sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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