Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
