You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
