You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
