ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
