I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
