omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
