So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
