I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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