I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize