I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize