Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
