Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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