thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
