Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
