My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
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