I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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