At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
