And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it glows. i had to have it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
