Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
