How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
