I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
