I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
