new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's Friday. Sex?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish you could order shots online.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
