you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
