I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
