I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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