We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
