My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
