last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it because I queefed?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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