but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
