So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
