I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
