I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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