i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize