Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
