three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
