turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize