Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize