tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
